


Saving All My Love for You

by thewords_weleftunsaid



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2020-10-03 22:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20460629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewords_weleftunsaid/pseuds/thewords_weleftunsaid
Summary: After Rue left the train station, she finds herself back at the dance. Only to walk in and find Lexi dancing with somebody else.





	1. Shut Up and Dance

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, my first dabble at writing a fic in a long time. First fic I wrote, was in a different language and published on wattpad. LOL. So please let me know what you think and if I should continue. I really love Rue and Lexi and I connect with them so much on the show. They deserve all the love. I also love Jules as a character and her and Rue's dynamic. So love all around. Enjoy loves.

The silent streets of the neighborhood grew unfamiliarly loud as Rue walks with Jules jacket tightly hugging around her. The tears streaming down her face grew cold as December winds occupy the California air. She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe that Jules would actually leave. She feels responsible-- she feels responsible for once, but along with it a rush of regret overcame her body. Well, it was her idea to run away. To finally get away from this town. To finally be free from the pressures of being a teenager, free from the responsibilities of having to live under the rules, to finally be happy for once, to be happy with Jules, and to especially be hella far away from Nate f***ing Jacobs. She cries harder at the thought of how happy she could’ve made Jules if she had just gotten on that damn train. She cries even harder at the fact that Jules finally told her that she loves her LOVES HER. But Rue couldn’t fathom leaving her mom and her sister behind, she feels that she had done enough to worry them for the rest of their lives. She can’t live thinking of burdening them even more that they would dropping everything they are doing just to search for her, if she had left. This all consumed Rue’s thoughts that she wasn’t even paying attention to where she’s heading to, until the loud muffled sound from the dance she had left earlier tonight starts to approach her. 

Rue stood at the steps of the school facing the open double doors, and a rush of emotion overcome Rue as flashes of memory entered her mind. The grainy memory of her and Jules began to play like an old movie. Scenes where they would sit at the lawn watching the skies, or how they would sit at the back of the room in their own little world during class, and any moments they had hanging out played one-after-another. Rue tightly close her eyes trying to conceal her tears. The moment was interrupted with a familiar voice. 

“Rue?” The voice she had many times before asked sincerely. “Are you okay?”

Rue opened her eyes to see that the voice belonged to Cassie, who was coming from the girls bathroom. She ushered Rue back into the cafeteria where the floor was filled with horny teenagers who either was grinding on their partner or trying to dance to the beat of an overplayed electronic dance music that usually half of the student population don’t listen to. Although to the DJ’s defense he played quite a few good songs tonight. But all Rue could hear is the painful ringing in her ear as she pass through the halls that she once walked through with a platinum blond haired girl. 

“What happened? Rue? Is everything okay? Rue? Hello? Rue-rue” Cassie trying to get Rue back down to earth. Rue still wasn’t really paying attention to what’s Cassie’s saying to her. “Where’s Jules?” Suddenly hearing that name sounded like a big crash that brought Rue back to life. 

“Hey are you okay?” Cassie asked again as they finally reached to the now empty table that they were sitting at earlier in the evening. Rue faced her silently. “What happened to Jules?” Rue’s eyes begins to glisten. Cassie got the hint to not ask further. “Do you wanna go home?” 

Rue stayed silent and didn’t move a muscle.

“Ok, let’s get you home.” Cassie making an executive big sister decision. Though she also just noticed that the seat next to her was empty and her younger sister wasn’t at the table anymore. “Where the hell did Lexi go?” Cassie grabbed her phone to text Lexi.

Earlier that night Lexi drank a bottle of Gatorade and Everclear that was offered to her by her sister’s best friend Maddy. This was the first time she’s ever drank. There wasn’t really an important reason as to why she was drinking tonight, only the fact that it’s her junior year winter formal and she has yet to bring a date she actually likes to these type of school functions she told herself tonight. Sure, there was a time when Tucker Blake asked her to the freshman formal, but that was also when Rue taught her how to french kiss in preparation for her date. Though, she couldn’t go through kissing Tucker at the end of the night after the innocent soft kiss her best friend planted on her kept replaying over and over in her head for the rest of the night. She knew that Tucker wouldn’t be able to compare to Rue’s gentle lips. So that night, she left the dance early and called Rue over for some ice cream and movies because she didn’t go to the dance.

Rue doesn’t go to dances. No matter how many times Lexi asked her during her freshman year, Rue would always say no. Even when they started to grow apart in sophomore year, Lexi still asked Rue if should like to go, but Rue declined. So, she stopped asking. Though her sister, Cassie would always offer that she instead should hang out with her and her friends, and that’s how she became friends with Maddy, Kat, and BB. She kind of became a fifth member of their friend group by default because of Cassie. But Lexi doesn’t have any problem with it, she likes her sisters’ friends, she thinks there fun, and she likes to listen to the boy drama that they all experience. In which some ways fill the Rue-size hole left in Lexi’s life. So tonight, at the winter formal to Lexi’s surprise even after all the boy drama and action her sister and her friends had gone through recently, they’re all going to the dance alone. No date in hand. Maybe it’s a good thing because in that way or another by the end of the night the girls always end up with guys anyways, leaving Lexi all alone. Though, when she found out during the week leading to the dance that Jules gotten Rue to come. Lexi couldn’t help to feel a little bit jealous, but she brushed the thought quickly out of her head and focused on being happy for Rue because Jules had been great and been a great influenced on Rue. But she can’t help herself not wonder why Rue didn’t want to go to the dance with her all those times, but it’s not important, she argued. Rue’s happy and she’s happy, that’s that. 

Rue and Jules entered the dance with a whiff of confidence that Lexi hadn’t see much from Rue in a long time. Lexi was stunned with both how amazing Rue and Jules looked. Especially Rue, looking beautiful as always, admired Lexi. They look perfect for each other, her drunk mind thought. “I wonder how she’ll look with me.” Lexi whispers to herself, although Jules interrupted before she can picture herself with Rue tonight, as she walked up to greet her with a hug and they both exchange quiet compliments on how they look tonight. Rue followed to greet Lexi. 

“Looking good as always Howard.” She says letting go of a quick hug. 

Lexi wasn’t expecting that. “You too, Bennett.” She silently replied but before she could finish Rue was already pulling out the chair for Jules to sit on. Lexi bit her bottom lip to her dismay and sat back down in between Cassie and Kat. 

The rest of the night Lexi just sat at the table, getting drunker by the hour. She thought if she has to sit through another dance being alone, she might as well do the teenage stuff she always thought of doing. Because it sucks being a teenager not being able to do teenager things. It’s what she told Rue at the Daniel’s. Speaking of Rue, she couldn’t take her eyes off of her tonight. She loves how the color maroon had always looked good on her, and how her eyes and stars by them shined like her smile. It’s great to see Rue being present for once. She’s dancing and having fun with Jules. Lexi feels that she might get her old best friend back all thanks to Jules. She wondered how fast and close Rue had gotten with Jules. I mean who couldn’t blame her, Jules was a breath of fresh air from this suffocating town. She’s sweet, caring, spontaneous, colorful, fun, and free spirited. All the things Lexi felt she wasn’t, that’s probably why Rue wanted to spend more time with her instead, but Lexi likes Jules. She’s actually grateful for her. She likes how she makes Rue laugh and smile because Lexi wasn’t able to anymore. If Lexi were to be honest though, when Gia shared how she thinks that Rue was in love with Jules at the carnival, a selfish pain that could only be recognized as jealousy spread all over her body. Even though her and Rue barely talk anymore she still felt like she was somewhat a part of her life, though she couldn’t compete with Rue’s addiction because that was a battle that she didn’t win. So, when Rue finally had gotten clean and wanted to make things right and make amends, after the time she’s spent with Jules. Lexi finally saw how big of a part Jules is becoming in Rue’s life. And for that she feels like she’s been replaced as the role of Rue’s best friend. But she guessed that’s okay, as long as they’re still friends and Rue gets better. She’ll be ok standing in the sidelines casted by another shadow this time being left by Jules. Yet again tonight, Lexi felt that sharp and familiar pain she knew too well, that selfish pain she doesn’t allow herself to feel because it’s for the greater good. But she wants to feel selfish for once because tonight she wanted at least one dance with her best friend. 

The night deepened but it was still too young for the dance to end. Kat got with Ethan, Maddy is dancing with a guy that isn’t Nate, and Rue and Jules had disappeared from the dance floor. Lexi wondered where they went. ‘They probably are in the bathroom making out or something,’ her drunk mind told her. 

An hour has passed, and it was just the Howard sisters at the table. 

“Can I ask you something?” Lexi asked out of the blue.  
“Yeah” Cassie replied.  
“How do you decide who you wanna hook up with?” In deep thought.  
“I don’t know. They usually just come to you.” Shrugs Cassie.  
“Yeah but what if they don’t?”  
“Then go and do whoever the fuck you want.”  
“Yeah…Okay…” Lexi turns to the crowd dancing in hopes that Rue and Jules came back. “I’m gonna do that.” She begins to scan the crowd.  
“I love you Lex.” Cassie amused, softly shaking her head.  
“I love you too.” Escapes Lexi’s dry mouth.

Another hour has passed by and there is no sign of Rue and Jules. Lexi took out her phone and he begins to text Rue.

Lexi: hey rue, where r u? did you leave?

Lexi was about to hit send when the girl Nate was dancing with loudly propped down to one of the open seats at the table, crying. Because Nate had asked Maddy to dance with him instead of her.

“Hey.” Cassie let out.  
“Hi.” Says the girl with tears and mascara running down her face. “I thought this was gonna be a night I’d remember forever.”  
“Well I think you will remember it forever...Like not in a bad way. Just…in a way that stays with you.” Lexi chimed in. She went back looking at her phone contemplating on whether she should send Rue that text. Her own words began to ring in her ear, “I think you will remember it forever, not in a bad way, in a way it stays with you.”

Lexi has two choices: would she like to drunkenly text her best friend, knowing god knows what she’ll say next and end up regretting it the next day, that might ruin a budding reconciliation and an already established relationship, or to keep the way things are. The way things are, seems to outweigh other option. So she deleted the text, keeping the way things are.

Time has passed by again; the dance floor begins to empty out and Cassie had gone to the bath room so Lexi was all alone at the table. Maddy is still dancing with Nate. Kat left early with Ethan, and she thinks that Jules and Rue are never coming back. 

“Then go and do whoever the fuck you want.” Echoed in Lexi’s mind. She paused thinking it’s now or never. So, she gathered herself, stood up, and heads to the dance floor. 

“She was literally here when I left.” Cassie told herself. 

Rue doesn’t know why she went back to the dance. Probably because she already knows that if she doesn’t distract herself to do something else right now, she will relapse. She felt bad ruining Cassie’s night, and now she feels that she might be ruining her best friend’s night too. Rue doesn’t want to cause any more damage than she already has, so she tries to walk away. But Cassie’s voice stopped her tracks. 

“Oh my god.” She said in disbelief as she is facing the crowd dancing, as she sees Lexi dancing being surround by a group of kids she doesn’t know. Cassie hasn’t seen her sister dance like this before, although Lexi’s killing it on the dance floor. She even thought that she saw her doing the sprinkler. Her dance moves perfectly summed up as to who she is, it wasn’t rash or provocative, but it was mainly made up of old school dance. The kids around her dancing are laughing and hyping her up and taking snapchats of her. Rue sees this and it slowly tugged her right cheek into a small smile. Until the music changed to a slow and romantic beat, it was the last song of the night anyways. Everybody dispersed into pairs and left Lexi alone taking a breath. Without warning, she suddenly felt two hands from behind being placed on her waist. She turned to see who it was, and she recognizes it was some guy from the football team. He tried to close the distance between them, but Lexi felt uncomfortable and tried to push him away. 

“Hey. Hey just one dance baby.” He wouldn’t budge.  
“Uhm, no thank you.” Lexi tried pushing him off again and walks away.  
“C’mon, stop being a prude and just dance.” He pleaded.

Cassie noticed this and hurried to Lexi’s defense.

“I’ve been watching you all night; I know you want to dance.” He made his case trying to touch Lexi again.  
“She said no, dude.” Rue steps in on time, finally snapping out of her haze and placed herself between Lexi and the football player. He opens his mouth about to say something- “Just back off man.” Rue interrupted. Lexi was speechless because first of all she doesn’t have the full mental capacity to process what just happened, and that Rue came back and rescued her from that creep. For once in a long time, Rue has got her back. And she looked so hot while doing it, Lexi drunkenly gushed. 

“Hey you okay?” Assured Cassie. Lexi whipped her head to her sister and nodded. “Let’s go home?” Cassie looked both at Rue and Lexi then she wrapped her arms around her sister and starts walking away. 

“Let’s go Bennett.” Lexi’s tipsy-self grabs Rue’s hand pulling her away from where she was standing.

The car ride home was quiet. The three of them sat in silent trying to reel in all the events that transpired tonight. The quiet wasn’t helping Rue forget that not too long ago, she had to let go of the girl she loved. And for a brief moment, she was ready to leave her family and this town behind, and not dared looked back. She was consumed with the need to find her secret stash of drugs to forget about all of it. To forget about tonight that would for sure be etched into her memory unless she do something about it. However, she knows that she wouldn’t be able to, she wouldn’t be able to forget about Jules. She doesn’t have the heart to. But she can’t deal with it tonight. So, when Cassie reached Rue’s house, she couldn’t wait to get out of the car and speed to her front door. 

“Wait, Rue. Hey.” Lexi followed and interrupts Rue placing the key into her front door. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Lexi’s eyes shine under the tungsten lamp by the door. Her concern pierce through her voice as she places her hand on her taller friend’s shoulder.

Rue timidly replied, “Yeah Lex, I’m fine.” She doesn’t like lying to her friend, but to further not ruin her night, a little lie couldn’t hurt. 

Lexi who’s sobering up now, doesn’t believe her, although from what Rue is not telling her; is that she doesn’t want to talk about it. “You know, you can call me anytime.” Lexi reassured as she tucks a strand of Rue’s loose curls behind her ears revealing that Rue has been crying a lot tonight that her make up is a mess. Lexi wipes the drying tears a ruined make up on Rue’s cheeks with her thumb and the back of her index finger. A few second of silence before Lexi spoke again, “I may not know what happened tonight, but from what I can tell is that you didn’t have a great night…I also know that you don’t want to talk about it, but you can always talk to me…Rue…I hope you still know that.” She said, now cupping Rue’s face. The thought of kissing Rue again crossed her mind. She’s been wanting to kiss Rue ever since she went home early from the freshman formal. But Rue is with Jules, although she wondered why she didn’t return to the dance with her, but Rue seems to be better because of her. She couldn’t ruin that for her friend’s sake. So instead wipes Rue’s tears for the last time and pulled her into a tight embrace and let out a sigh. “I miss my best friend.” Lexi wish that Rue would ask her to stay to talk about what happened tonight, but all Rue did was return the favor and hug her tightly that her chin was resting on top of Lexi’s face. 

“I miss you too.” Rue manage to get out. Rue suddenly felt a familiar feeling that somehow got away. The feeling of warmth and comfort that the girl in front of her had always given her all those years ago. They both remained in that position for what felt like a long time. But Cassie rudely interrupted informing Lexi that it’s getting late and that they should head home. Lexi took one last good look of her best friend for the night. She wishes that the moment had lasted longer because it was long overdue. She slowly backed up, eyes still at Rue and head lazily for the car trying to stall for Rue to ask her to stay. But Rue hadn’t said anything. 

“Hey, do you think I can stay over at Rue’s tonight?” She leaned on the passenger’s window; imposing herself to a night with her friend, but when she looked back, Rue had already entered the house closing the door behind her. “Never mind.” Lexi quietly said, disappointed as she opened the car door to get in. 

Lexi wishes Rue should have said something that night, she wishes that she shouldn’t have asked her sister and invited herself in, she wishes that Rue could’ve given her a signal to stay, because she would’ve stayed in a heartbeat and she wouldn’t have end up at the hospital the following morning.


	2. I Will Be There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope one of you comes back to remind me of who I am, when I go disappear into that good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all:)) First of all, thank you for all the kinds words. It means so much to me. Second, I always doubt myself as a writer and I hope chapter by chapter, fic by fic, I improve and become a better. I hope you all are enjoying this fic as much as I am writing it. Enjoy Chapter 2.

Lexi felt a ringing pain in her head when she woke up the following morning. “I’m never drinking again” She warned herself. 

The Howard house was eerily quiet. Cassie isn’t in their room. And when Lexi reached downstairs, her mom wasn’t lounging in the living room. She also searched the kitchen to see if they were there but no luck. It wasn’t until she heard muffled sounds coming from outside the house. She went to go investigate what was happening and why were they outside early in the morning. 

“I thought she was getting better.” “How are we going to tell her?” The exchange she overheard finally exited the house.

“Tell me what? Cassie? Mom? What’s going on?” Lexi squinted, as her eyes adjusted to the bright outdoors. Cassie and her mom turned to her silently, trying to figure how they are going to break the news to sweet girl. “You’re scaring me, what happened?” 

“Honey…they found a… a body lying in the middle of the street three blocks over.” Suze breaking it slowly to her daughter who was furrowing her brows at her. 

“A body? Are they okay? Is it like a dead body?” Lexi now confused.   
“No honey…thankfully she was still breathing.” 

“She...Three blocks over? Who was it? Rue lives three bloc...OH MY GOD. Mom?” Lexi tried to meet her mom’s eyes for an answer that she already knew. Connecting the dots from what she heard coming out of the house and her mentioning her friend’s name. Then all at once her knees buckled as her mom averted eye contact, then she let out, “Oh my god, Rue.” Slapping her hand over her mouth as her knees finally met the ground. Cassie immediately kneeled down and comforted her sister, trying to calm her down as the tears came crashing down her face. 

“We have to go; we have to go see her. I – I want to make sure she’s okay.” She trembled, as she frantically got up convincing her mom and sister. “We shouldn’t have left her all alone.”   
“Shhh…Shhh…We will hon, let’s give her family some privacy right now…” Her mom comforted, brushing the curly strands of hair away from her face, and wiping her tears with the back of her hand. Lexi reeled in the embrace that she rarely gets from her mother. 

It’s been a long time since the Howards had gotten together with the Bennetts. From the regular scheduled playdates to birthdays to family dinners, and now visits at the hospital, late in the afternoon. Lexi recognizes a familiar feeling she felt from the last time she rushed down the corridors of a hospital. The fear of not knowing if one of the people you care most about in the world is okay, brings Lexi an uneasy feeling occupying her whole body. Lexi speeds, placing one-foot right after the other in search for the room number Gia had texted her earlier. She’s walking so fast that her mom and Cassie are barely behind her. She freezes in front of a door that reads 201. She has reached Rue’s room. She stood outside for a minute, thinking how she is going to explain to Rue’s mom that if she had just convinced Rue a little more to talk about what happened last night, there would’ve been a chance to prevent all this. Cassie and Suze finally caught up to the stoic Lexi. 

“Hey, breathe.” Suze whispered, placing her hand on Lexi’s back as she knocked on the door with the other. 

The door opened, and the sight of Rue on the bed unconscious made Lexi feel nauseous. She doesn’t like seeing her best friend like this. She doesn’t like seeing her best friend in pain. Lexi’s thought went on again, that she should’ve just stayed and invited herself last night. She should’ve just walked in like how she used to. No matter how much Rue would’ve found it rude or annoying. She would rather have her friend hate her than to be in the position she is now. 

“Lexi.” Leslie greeted pulling Lexi’s apologetic face into a hug. 

Being in the arms of Leslie broke Lexi in half. The woman has been through enough. Lexi’s tears came crashing and the suppressed sound of apologies followed. 

“I’m sorry.” Lexi bawled. “I’m so sorry.” Digging herself deeper into Leslie’s arm. She also felt another hand on her back, which belonged to her mother. Leslie shushed her. Telling her how she knows it’s hard to see her daughter like this. “I should’ve stayed, I knew there was something wrong. But-” Lexi explained. 

“There was no way you could’ve known, Rue is her own person, making decisions for herself. No matter how hard we could try to help her, until she lets us. We couldn’t have known.” Leslie cleared up. “All we can do is be there for her. Because she needs us now, more than ever.” She added. 

Rue hasn’t woken up ever since she was found by her mom on the street on her way to work. The doctor said that she should be waking up in the following days but due to the number of drugs she took, it had induced her into a coma. The medicine they had given her though, should be able to gradually wake up, but they said it could take up to a week or more to wake her. The Bennetts hopes that it would only just be a few days. Because Christmas is around the corner and they don’t Rue to miss one of her favorite holidays. 

Lexi is left by herself surrounded by the many beeping machines that is keeping her friend alive. Her mom and Cassie took the Bennetts to get some food. Lexi stayed to get some time alone with her best friend.

“Hey, Bennett.” She said grabbing Rue’s left hand. “I…I told you, you could tell me if anything is wrong remember.” Her low voice quivered. “That you could never burden me with anything.” Her glistening eyes sheds a tear. “I don’t know what happened between you and Jules, but I need you to please wake up. I was just starting to get my best friend back…. Rue.” Lexi all choked up. She lifts Rue’s hand closer to her face. “I love you. Please.” A beat. Lexi caught herself off guard saying those three words out loud meaning the way she had always wanted it to mean. But she isn’t ready for Rue to hear that yet, so she quickly followed, “Your family loves you…and she may not be here right now but I’m sure, Jules love you.” The last three words stung coming out of her mouth. “We all love you. We just want you to be okay. I have-“ She was about to say more, but Gia and Cassie entered the room with bags of food in hand, so she stood up to help them, letting go of Rue’s hand. Who’s index finger slightly raised in the absence of Lexi’s hand. 

“Do you guys know where Jules is?” Lexi wondered why she hasn’t made an appearance yet. Like how she rushed to the hospital when Rue was hospitalized a week after Halloween. Lexi saw how worried she was entering Rue’s room that day; now she’s really curious what happened last night.

Gia shook her in response, “No. Her dad asked us the same question this morning.”

What happened last night?

The following day Lexi visited Rue again, this time though by herself and she’s carrying a small bouquet of flowers and coffee and bagels for Gia and Leslie who had spent the night at the hospital. 

“You know you didn’t have to do this.” Leslie thanked Lexi. “You’re too sweet.”  
“Lexi’s always been like this mom. No matter how much you tell her she doesn’t have to.” Gia pointed out. “Thank you, Lex.” 

Lexi offered to stay with Rue again, so that Leslie and Gia could go home and get some rest. She sat at Rue’s bedside and try talking to her with anything that comes to her mind, because she’d read somewhere that talking to comatose patients help them wake. She started talking about when they were kids, they loved playing a game of Sleuth and how they would go around their houses finding things that they thought they were missing. Then how grateful Lexi was for Rue giving her a roller-skate lamp for her birthday at the roller rink, and how the following year, she gave her an engraved necklace, with her name hanging on it. Lexi trailed on how she thought their friendship would be over after sharing a kiss on the night of the freshman formal. She confessed that she has never kissed anyone before that and that she never had another one ever since. Lexi also added how that night eating ice creams, watching movies, and dancing in her room with Rue was a much better experience than what she had at the actual dance. Then she lost track of time that it ended up being 2 o’clock in the afternoon and that she is now gossiping. She’s telling Rue about how the night of McKay’s party went for her sister. Lexi had been waiting to tell Rue about all the things that happened in the beginning of the year. Like how she would on the occasional times that Rue and her would get together after they grew apart. Lexi always ended up venting to Rue during those times; although she doesn’t know if Rue processed all of it because she was typically high on the rare occasions where they hung out. 

“You’re gonna end up okay Bennett.” Lexi assured. “You just have to wake up and show all of us.” 

Lexi swears that she saw a slight movement in Rue’s hand that afternoon, but it was only for a quick second. She even told the nurse on what she saw but he responded that there was no changes in Rue’s vitals.

The Bennetts returned and Lexi said goodbye to Rue and promised her that she’ll be back the next day. 

Lexi came for the next two days. Bringing home cook meals in hand for the Bennett ladies to get away from the awful hospital cafeteria food. Visiting Rue at the hospital grew as second nature to Lexi, she’s willing to visit her friend every day until she wakes up and gets better and probably push her away again. But she can’t have Rue wake up thinking that Jules had just abandoned her because she still hasn’t visited and that’s just one more person added to the list of two people who Rue needs most right now. 

Lexi is reading a book by Rue’s bedside, while Gia is playing on her phone with her headphones on. Then Leslie is reading a magazine lounging on a couch opposite of Lexi.

A knock startled the room. Leslie, Gia, and Lexi all glanced at the door waiting for it open and then at each other wondering who it could be, because the rotating nurse just came by and it was too soon for another check in. So, Leslie who was sitting closer to the door, stood up and opened the door revealing two people standing before her. 

“David. Hi.” Leslies voice grew a note higher. “Jules. Hello.”

Lexi and Gia shared a look hearing Jules name. 

Jule’s back, Lexi thought. 

“So sweet of you two to stop by.” Leslie gesturing them to come in.  
“We would’ve been here sooner if only, this one here came home.” He motioned to Jules. Who was walking towards Rue.

“Oh Rue, I’m so sorry.” Jules arriving to Rue’s side. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” Grabbing Rue’s right hand and kissing it. “I’m so sorry.” Regret and guilt filling her voice.

Lexi feeling awkward and uncomfortable being the front row audience to all of this, sets her book down, and stood up to give Jules her privacy. Only to feel a slight tug on her wrist keeping her from walking away. 

Rue’s awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexi and Jules being on Rue's bedside, as they should. 
> 
> Did Rue hear all the things Lexi said, including that ILY, hmm. 
> 
> Lmk. Comment below. :))


	3. Hopelessly Devoted to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rue is awake, Jules' back, and Christmas is next week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for haven't updated in a while. I was distracted with brainstorming and developing other Rexi fic ideas. They are just fun to play with and the many potential stories they can fit in. But anyways, here's a new chapter. Hope you enjoy.

The hand on Lexi’s wrist went limp the moment she stopped in her tracks. And a collective gasp was spread throughout the room. Rue’s awake. Leslie immediately made her way to her daughter’s side and both Jules and Lexi took a step back, away from the girl who they both just got back. Letting her family to welcome her back. 

Exchanges of grief, gratitude, and tears were heard from the huddled-up Bennett women.

“Don’t you scare us like that again, Rue. Or I swear to god, I wouldn’t know what to do-“ Leslie holding on to her not-so little girl anymore, tightly. 

“I-I kn-ow mom.” The only words that exited Rue’s mouth in a whisper like tone, as she is just getting her speech function back. Leslie hugged her daughter again.

“Alright, we will have a much more private talk later, because you have these two wonderful girls scared to death. So I’ll give y’all time to catch up as I go look for the nurses and let them know that you are awake.” Leslie slides off the bed and gave Jules a pat on the back and Lexi a knowing look before she leaves the room with David. 

The moment Leslie and David left the room, the air thickens. Just as the sudden reality hits Rue like a tsunami. She has a very hazy recollection of the night of the dance, her somehow ending back at the school, Lexi dancing, her almost getting into a fight with some guy, and the warm sensation on her cheek as she’s looking down at Lexi, who’s giving her the softest stare. All of that was meshed into a blur, but the memory of the train doors closing between her and Jules was crystal clear. 

The three of them stayed in awkward silence not knowing how to break the ice. Lexi was at the left side of Rue’s bed with her arms crossed and her head bowed down. Not really knowing what to say at this moment. Jules, on the other hand, was looking anywhere around the room but Rue. Lexi took a deep breath and opens her mouth, “Hey-“ but Jules also said something of the same caliber. Rue can’t help but just sit there and look at her two befriends. Whom were gesturing at each other to say something first. 

Gia was witnessing all this in front of her, and she couldn’t not roll her eyes and let out a small chuckle at this situation. To which they all turned to her as a result. 

To Rue’s dismay, she ended up saying something first; a small, “hey” to end their misery. Which the other two followed her lead and greeted her. 

“Hey Rue.” Lexi said softly with relief. Inching closer to the bed.

“Wassup Howard. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Rue cracking jokes already. Lexi let out a laugh triggering the tears that’s been collecting in her eyes. 

“You had us scared shitless, Rue.” Gia added. Rue bit her bottom lip and nodded trying to hold back tears. Because she knows that they are, and that she feels sorry for the worried she’s caused. Though she doesn’t want to dwell on it longer as of right now. So she looked around the room avoiding anymore talks that would only made her feel worse than she already is.

Rue noticed that Jules had been awfully quiet. So, she turned to Jules who was standing on the other side of the room. “Hey you…” She said softly. 

“Heyy.” Jules’ holding back tears. Hesitating to walk any closer to the girl she left on the train station. Rue sees this, so she held out her hand in forgiveness.

The longing look that had disappeared for quite sometimes, returned to Lexi’s face when she witnessed Rue’s hand reach for Jules’. Once she realizes this, she turns away hoping no one caught her. 

The door opens, and Leslie, David, Rue’s doctor, and Rue’s nurse walked in, interrupting the moment in the room. 

“Hi Rue, welcome back. I’m your doctor. I’m just going to check your vitals and see if everything is working properly now that you’ve woken up.” The nurses ushered both Lexi and Jules aside to check on the machines that had been surrounding their best friends’ bed. They ended up leaving the room to give Rue and her family some time alone with the doctor. 

As the doctor and nurses left the room Jules, David, and Lexi all stood up from the seating area just outside the door. As David and Jules made their way back again into Rue’s room, Lexi catches one of the nurses that checked on Rue to get an update, “Uhm, Nurse Jackie, how is she?”.

“She will be alright, Lexi. She still needs time to recover so we’re keeping an eye on her.” She gives Lexi a small and reassuring smile. Through Lexi’s time at the hospital she had grown into a first name basis with the staff of nurses that rotates on Rue’s floor. She quite made friends with them, especially those who tended to her friend. 

Lexi coming back into the room, finding herself a little out of place and that it's probably time for her to go home. 

Jules has made herself comfortable lying beside Rue on her bed as they seem to start a quiet conversation. While Leslie and David are having a conversation on their own. So, Lexi heads to where she set her stuff down, which was on the left side of Rue’s bed. She overheard a similar conversation that she heard before the last time both Rue and Jules were lying in a hospital bed. There still wasn’t enough context to explain what happened on the night of the dance. But, she realized that though Jules may have brought back a familiar Rue that she knows since of meeting her. It might’ve also worsened Rue’s case. Which it isn’t her fault, because Rue tended to cling onto something that makes her feel alive and excited. Like something for Rue to live for.

“Lexi, you’re leaving?” Gia questioned. 

“Wait, what? Lexi you’re leaving?” Rue interrupted her own conversation, turning to Lexi. “I just woke up Howard.” Shrugging her shoulders and raising her palms up in distraught.

Lexi finishes gathering her things and turned to Rue. “I know Bennett, but Suze Howard texted that dinner is ready and it’s getting late, so I should head home. If I wanna wake up in time to decorate the tree tomorrow.”

“Decorating the tree. Already?” 

“Yeah, Rue. Christmas is like next week.”

“Christmas IS NEXT WEEK?” Everyone nodded. “Well, would you look at that.” 

Thank god a chime was heard from Lexi’s phone. Because no one really knew how to respond to Rue. They didn’t want to pity her because Rue wouldn’t want that anyway. 

“That’s my sister. I should probably get going.” Lexi making her way to the door. 

“Thank you so much Lexi. For everything. You have no idea how much it means to us.” Leslie stood up and hugged Lexi goodbye.

“Goodnight everyone.” Lexi bidding farewell to everyone in the room. 

“Hope you come back tomorrow Howard.” Rue yelled lightly as Lexi walked out the door. Which brought a shy smile to Lexi’s face. 

Rue finally settled into the comfort of her own bed, with Jules beside her as she’s silently staring. Which to Rue’s surprise she kind of forgot for a moment that she was there. Ever since she met her, Jules has been Rue’s sun. The whole room fades and she was in focus, but today was something different. She saw Jules through a different lens. Sure, Rue has said that there isn’t anything Jules would do that would diminish her image that’d make Rue hate her. Rue knows that she’ll always have that feeling for Jules, and that night on the train when Jules said those three magic words. Rue finally knows through months of uncertainty that Jules feels the same about her, but then she realizes that Jules is probably also in love with a girl named Anna, who she hooked up with in the city. So, she thought she can’t have Jules choose between her and the other girl. She doesn’t want to befall that decision on her. She also can’t leave her family and life behind.

“What are you thinking about?” Jules interrupted the spiraling train of thought that filled Rue’s mind.

“Nothing.” Rue responded timidly. 

“I know I said this before but I’m really sorry about leaving at the night of the dance.”

“Jules…just let it go. You’re here now and I’ll get better. It was just a one time thing. And things are gonna go back to normal before you even know it.” Rue isn’t ready to talk about it, and she definitely doesn’t want to talk about it with Jules right now.. Because she knows what will happen if they do, and she isn't ready to let go just yet.

Leslie overheard what Rue said and she had a knowing look on her face that all moms do, when something clicks in their head about their child. 

  
It is Thursday morning at the Howard’s house. The smell of french toast overcomes the whole living room, and the Howard children are rummaging through old boxes and bins of Christmas decorations. Suze, being her usual self on the couch, watching TV, and this time drinking a mug of eggnog probably spiked with a touch of rum to get the day going. 

Cassie started with spiraling the gold garland around the tree, as Lexi is grunting and huffing. She is still digging through a bin of tree ornaments that had collected dust over the months they’ve been stored.

“Lex, what are you doing?” Cassie stopped what she was doing to see what her sister was fuzzing about.. 

“I’m looking for the ornament that Rue and I made in like third grade.” Lexi stopped searching in the bin and move the strands of hair that’s covering her face. “I was thinking of bringing it at the hospital so that her room could feel a little festive, you know. Since Christmas is like Rue’s favorite holiday.” She resumed searching again but this time in a different box. 

“Yeah, but like I thought you got rid of them when Rue-“

“Found them!” Lexi said stringing out a small raggedy Mrs. Claus doll that was hand crafted by a couple of eight-year-olds. That instead of stitching they stapled the seams together. “And no, I didn’t get rid of them even when Rue got rid of hers.” She said proudly.

The two sisters who were later joined by their mother finished decorating the entire house before the clock strikes noon. 

Though during decorating Lexi had gotten a call from Leslie, who was hoping she isn’t bothering her and asks if she would kindly look after Rue because she has a few errands to run. Sure, Gia was there but Leslie made some points of how she trusts her daughters more when Lexi’s around. Which brought a strike of guilt to Lexi since they were moments where she kind of enabled Rue by giving her clean urine for drug testing. Those were the moments where Lexi felt she wasn’t being a good friend. But Lexi said yes and she was going to visit anyways and what time she should be there. 

When Lexi reached the hallway outside of Rue’s room. She noticed that the doors were open and that Rue wasn’t in the room. She urgently made her way to the room to further investigate. 

“Rue? Gia? Hello?” She called out. It was a few seconds of silence until she heard the bathroom door creaking open. 

“I was wondering when you were gonna get here.” Rue sounding a little out of breath and closing the door behind her. “Sorry, Jules and Gia are getting some snacks from downstairs.” 

Oh, Jules is here. 

“Oh okay, you’re mom called and asked me to-” 

“Of course she did.” Rue who was making her way back to the bed nodded, knowing the reason to why her mom called Lexi. Because last night after Jules and her dad left. She and her mom had that private conversation.

Lexi didn’t like the tone Rue had given her, as if she was someone that needed to be babysitted, so she went ahead to finish her sentence, to clarify. “You’re mom called saying that you needed some company, and I was coming anyway. Bennett, I’m not your babysitter.”

“Sorry, that’s not what I...I didn’t mean to...I didn’t mean it to come off as-” Rue realizing that the tone on her last remarks may had come off as unwelcoming. 

“I know Rue. I was just teas- Anyways, I brought some mac and cheese from that one place you liked.” Lexi holds up a paper bag.

“No way!” Rue shifted her sitting position, with her feet now dangling on the side of the bed. So that she’s facing Lexi who handed her the bag as she sat down on one of the hospital chairs placed next to Rue’s bed. The one that she’d been sitting on whenever she stopped by. “I haven’t been there in ages. I think that the last time I went there was…after Shay’s birthday party freshman year-“ 

“After Shay’s party during freshman year.“ Lexi said at the same time. A burst of laughter interrupted between the two. Which caused them to also lean in closer to each other. 

“Why did we leave that party early by the way?” Rue asked in between laughs. 

“I think some dumb jock posse crashed the party and you said you weren’t feeling good.” 

“That, and that guy who took you to freshman formal… what’s his name?” Rue blanking on the name because she didn’t like him with the growing reason that he ruined Lexi’s first high school dance experience. 

“Tucker?” Lexi helping Rue out. 

“ Yeah… that douche Tucker dude something. I remember him being there. I didn’t like him by the way.” Rue pointed out. “ Which was why I had to get you outta there.” This was one of the moments Rue felt proud of because she came to Lexi’s rescue for once in return to all the times Lexi rescued her. Lexi always had made sure that she was feeling alright and comfortable in time of need despite how bad of a friend she was starting to become then. Rue thought, that even through all the time she snapped at her like in the bathroom at the beginning of the year, she’s still there and by her side. Like at the night of the dance to now. Bringing her, her favorite comfort food from her favorite place and taking time out of her day just to visit her at the hospital. Rue needs to step up and be a better friend.

“How come you don’t like him.” Lexi taking Rue out of her thoughts.

“What?”

“Tucker Blake. Why don’t you like him?” Lexi repeated.

“He ruined your night…your first high school dance experience…your first kiss. Like how he probably planted one on ya, then ignored you for the rest of the night. Which is why you went home early.” Rue explained brushing quickly through the words not really knowing why she got defensive all of a sudden. Then fully realizing that she’s hating on the guy for no reason at all, because Lexi didn’t tell her anything about the dance except of how boring it was because she wasn’t there. 

“Tucker didn’t kiss me that night, Rue.” Lexi said interrupting Rue’s last remarks.

Oh. Rue tilted her head to the side and squinted. “So, who was your first kiss?” 

Well that’s embarrassing. 

Before Lexi could answer and painfully bathe into this embarrassing moment of Rue not remembering that her and Lexi kissed. French kissed in fact. In addition, Lexi hasn’t kissed anyone else but Rue. They heard two sets of footsteps and voices making their way into the room. 

Thank God. Lexi does not want to spend any more time on this subject matter and a ride on memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think. I love reading your comments and your thoughts. :)


	4. oh baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking about First Kisses. Gay awakenings. Goodbyes. Letting-Gos. Secret Visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this as I was drugged up in cold medicine. I've been sick. I reread and edited twice. So I hope it turned out ok. haha. I need sleep and soup. I hope y'all are doing alright and enjoy your read.

“What about first kisses?” Jules asked walking into the room snacks in hand. Lexi thought she finally got away from this topic. 

“Uhm. Nothing.” Lexi answered right away, trying to cover her face. 

“It’s not nothing. First kisses are important. It’s like a first seal of intimacy you share with someone.” Jules reasoned. “Also,, did you know that you were the first girl Rue has ever kissed?” Jules teased Lexi as she made her way to the chair next to the bed. At the same time getting three pairs of wide eyes from the other girls in the room. 

“I was?” Lexi mumbled as she’s looking at Rue, whose cheeks were blushing. While simultaneously shocked that Rue talks about her to Jules. 

“What?! You and Lexi kissed?!” Gia amused with this brand new information. 

“Look, I was trying to teach her how to french kiss okay. For her when she went to the dance with Tucker douche. Who she didn’t even end up kissing.” Rue got hella defensive and awkward that her voice was a rose an octave higher. Because she just remembered that she did kiss Lexi that night, and that Jules is right. Lexi is the first and only girl, until Jules, that Rue has kissed. 

“So if Rue was trying to teach you to kiss, then wouldn’t that mean that Rue was your first kiss.” Jules pointed out to Lexi. Which Lexi already knows. But for Rue who just suddenly realized this, felt a hint of pride, knowing that she was Lexi’s first kiss and not some dude who doesn’t deserve it. 

“Okay, can we move on from this topic.” Lexi tried to change the subject, to steer away from anymore conversations about her and Rue because she feared that she may be asked to reveal some feelings she isn’t willing to share.

“Sure, Howard. I just got to ask you one last thing.” Rue tapping her index finger in the air. 

“Okay.” Lexi’s kind of scared of where this conversation would go. 

“What was that dance you were dancing at the winter formal?” Rue asked laughing and imitating Lexi’s version of the sprinkler. Which made Lexi’s face even redder that she buried her face into her palms. “Because other than teaching you how to french kiss. What happened to those dance lessons that I gave you?” Rue playfully teased Lexi.

“Rue. Binge watching dance moms doesn’t count as dance lessons.” Lexi laughs. “Let’s stick the dancing to my sister.”

“I didn’t think you were that bad. Maybe who knows, you might give Cassie and Maddy a run for their spots on the team.” Rue suggested, and at the corner of her eyes she caught a glimpse of Jules texting on her phone, probably Anna. 

“You’ll never see me in those uniforms.” Lexi scrunching her face, grabbing Rue’s attention back to the conversation. 

“C’mon Lexi. Look at you. I think you’ll look great in those uniforms.” Rue realizing what the implication of that comment meant. To Rue’s honesty, she has seen Lexi in a cheer uniform before, because in 8th grade Lexi had actually wore her sister’s cheer uniform as a dare in one of the nights that Rue slept over at the same time as Cassie’s friends. She always thought that Lexi would look good as a cheerleader, she even tried out for it but her mom encouraged her sister more. And Lexi looked cute in the uniform Rue thought. 

“You think?! As for me, I definitely think you’ll look hot Lexi. That all the boys will flock on over to you sis.” Jules complemented Lexi and putting her phone in the pocket. 

The thought of any guy flirting with Lexi just because of some pom-poms and short skirts made Rue feel weird. 

Both complements made Lexi blush. Which seems like that’s all she was doing ever since she came. 

Rue’s room was filled with continued pleasant conversation that consisted of teasing and light topics that would distract her about being in the hospital days before christmas. It also had to do with the fact that both Lexi and Jules didn’t want to do anything to upset Rue. But the light moment they all shared didn’t last long because a sudden record scratch moment occurred that slipped out of Jules mouth when she had to leave early. 

“Well, I have to go everyone. It’s getting a bit late and the train gets a little scary at night.” Rue’s face fell. 

“The train?” Rue raised her eyebrows. Jules bit her bottom lip. “The train where?”

Fuck.

“Uhm…yes. The train…I…Rue...I think we should talk about this later.” Jules shifted her stance, wishing that she shouldn’t have said anything and that it’s just the two of them in the room. 

“Jules, honestly it’s fine. You can tell me.” 

Lexi and Gia shared a stare wondering if they should leave the room to give the two their privacy. But they were too late. 

“Okay…uh…. I want you to know that I’m still here, and I’ll be there for you with everything. And I’ll see you when I visit and…and my dad is warming up to the—” Jules stammers slowly. 

“Wait, wait. What do you mean, when you visit?” Rue tries to hide the tears that is collecting in her eyes. 

Jules looked around the room, tears visible on her eyes as well. She landed on Rue’s with a look that says: please don’t make me say it. Rue swallowing back her tears as she figured out what Jules was trying to say. To further not cause herself and Jules pain. Rue puts on a half hearted smile after biting her lips. 

“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you earlier but I don’t want to-“ Jules explained. 

“Jules, it’s okay.” Rue lied. She figured that Jules doesn’t plan on staying in East Highland anymore. “ Don’t forget to visit me whenever you’re in town. And if the train ride down is a hassle, don’t worry about me okay.” Part of what Rue said was a lie, but part of it is true. She guessed that Jules must’ve realized that she really loves Anna that she’d leave her dad to move to the city to be close to where she is and the environment she graciously craves. She stood up from her bed to give Jules a hug. The hug lingered for what Rue felt like forever. She was trying to freeze this moment for as long as she can. She broke the long embrace, arms still around each other to take a look at Jules’ face. Trying to memorize every feature. She whispered, “I’m gonna miss you.” Jules nodded as she pressed her forehead onto Rue’s. Then finally, as much as it hurts her to do so, Rue let go. Jules walked away, before closing the door behind her she takes one last look at Rue, because she knows she can’t face her again tomorrow and probably for a little while. 

Lexi felt a rush of pain in her heart because she had just witnessed her best friend’s heart break into a million pieces. And though as much as how Rue tried to hide all the emotions she’s going through right now by showing no emotions at all, Lexi could see right through her. 

“Can you guys get out please. I just need a moment alone.” Rue said without any hint of emotion in her voice. 

“But Rue, Mom said to-” Gia argued. 

“Please, Gia. I just need some time to myself. Also, Lexi, I think you should go home now. You probably have so many things to do. I’m sorry if I wasted your time.” Rue brushed off and faced away from her sister and Lexi.

“Rue you’re not wasting my time.” Lexi assured, her voice on the verge of breaking. She got out of her seat trying to comfort Rue. 

“Please, go. I’ll be alright.” Rue avoiding Lexi’s touch, pacing back to her bed and sat herself down. “Please…” Rue grabbed a handful of the bed sheet tight inside her palms and her voice is calm and collected which both Gia and Lexi knew that they needed to do as she says. So, they walked out the room. Although they still couldn’t help but worry what would Rue do when she was left alone. 

A moment has barely passed and Lexi said, “Fuck it, this is bullshit.” And she burst back into Rue’s room closing the door behind her. Finding Rue still sitting up on the bed, head down and trying hard not to make any noise as tears leak from her eyes. 

Lexi expected Rue to snap at her just like she did in the bathroom in the beginning of the year. But Rue stayed still as if she doesn’t have the energy to. So, Lexi didn’t waste anymore time and sat next to her best friend who’s repressing her tears. Then Lexi cautiously puts her arm around Rue’s taller frame pulling her close as her right palm gently guide Rue’s head to her shoulders. In one swift move, all of Rue’s emotions came crashing through and the tears were finally set free as she buried her face in the crook of Lexi’s neck. 

“I’m sorry, Rue.” Lexi begins rubbing circles on Rue’s back. 

Rue cried for a while, until there were no more tears left. Lexi hadn’t seen her friend cried like this since the day she buried her father. Jules must’ve really meant much more to Rue than Lexi had initially thought, for her to cry like this. 

It was a quiet night at the Howard household. Lexi came home a little before nine because Rue wouldn’t move a muscle away from Lexi’s grasp. Leslie had to forced Rue away from Lexi and laid her down to get some rest. Rue also didn’t say a word the whole night. She grew quiet and stoic. Leslie asked what happened and in Lexi’s defense she doesn’t really know the whole context but she’s pretty sure that Rue and Jules just broke up. Which she should feel a little satisfaction, because Rue should finally be able to pay attention and spend time with her, but no, all she could feel is the pain that Rue must be going through right now. Along with how hard it must've also been for Jules. Honestly, Lexi feels bad for the both of them. They both don’t deserve feeling like what they’re feeling right now. Which brings Lexi the overwhelming realization that she couldn’t hold a candle to Jules and her importance in Rue’s life, even if she ever decides to tell Rue how she truly feels. She doesn’t stand a chance and she’s trying to make peace with that Rue wouldn’t see her as more than just her childhood best friend. Because Rue wouldn’t cry for her like that. Lexi felt a little selfish thinking like this. But she guess she could finally stop leading herself on, and just focus on getting her best friend back.

“Lex, you’re home.” Cassie appeared on the bottom of the stairs breaking Lexi’s train of thought. “Are you okay?” She noticed Lexi’s glossy eyes. 

Lexi doesn’t want to talk about it, but she needed a hug, so she wrapped her arms around her sister. “I’m just tired.” Her voice slightly breaking. 

“Oh okay.” Cassie said tightening her sister’s embrace.

The following day at Rue Bennett’s room. Leslie is packing up Rue’s things because despite what happened yesterday. The doctors finally are releasing Rue because her body has recovered, though a prescribed regular attendance at a local NA meeting is mandatory to continue Rue’s path to sobriety. Rue was still very emotionless and quiet, though a few words here and there. Even when Lexi arrived, with a small paper bag inside the raggedy Mrs. Claus doll ornament on hand. Rue was sitting on her bed, shoveling spoonfuls of jello into her mouth, not even a hello to her friend who came to see her, just a small nod. 

“You’re being discharge today?” Lexi asked. 

“Yes, sweetie. The doctor said she’s recovered, physically and ready to go home. Which is great because that means we don’t have to spend Christmas here, but there is still a lot of things to do to ensure that we are all on the right path.” Leslie gave Rue a stern look that said, isn’t that right. She walked past Lexi to get Rue’s shoes in the closet and puts it in a bag. “Gia, do we have everything.”

“Yeah mom.” Gia replied not moving a muscle and her eyes were glued to her phone.

“We are just waiting for the discharge nurse.” Leslie explained to Lexi. 

And right on cue the discharge nurse came in the room. 

“Hello to my favorite Bennett family! Long time no see. How are we doing this fine morning.” The sunny nurse flashed them with a bright smile. 

“Hi, Janet. We are all set here. Would be okay if I meet y’all downstairs so I can pull the car around.” Leslie grabbed the bags filled with Rue’s things taking Gia with her for some help. 

“Of course. I’ll just take off her IV needle.” Janet headed for Rue’s side as Leslie and Gia exited the room. “Well, Miss Rue I remember telling you this summer to visit me when you can, but I didn’t mean it like this.” 

“I’m sorry Janet. How’s the baby?” Rue managed to get out. 

“Baby’s good, thank you for asking. I actually just got back from maternity leave.” Janet got out the IV and she made her way around to the hazardous waste can. “And you Miss Lexi, how have you been? How’s your junior year going?” Janet asked Lexi who was smiling through her teeth awkwardly, watching Rue’s face shift from blank to confused. She’s been made. 

“Oh you know, okay I guess.” Lexi shrugs.

“You two know each other?” Rue waving her index finger both at Lexi and the nurse. 

“Oh Nurse Janet, yeah I –“ Lexi stuttered through the words.

“Lexi here, I met this summer. When she was visiting you.” Janet explained gesturing to Lexi who is now facing away from both Rue and Janet. 

She did what. Rue thought and immediately felt extremely bad for how horribly she treated Lexi since then.

“The girl visited you every day when you were asleep.” Janet added. Lexi’s cheeks start to flush. 

“I wasn’t here everyday.” Lexi trying to save herself from sounding like a creep who watched Rue while she was sleeping. Also she started to notice that Rue hasn’t taken her eyes off of her since she asked how she knew Janet.

“You’re right, you stopped coming when you woke up.” Janet pointed at Rue. Which broke the hold of Rue’s stare on Lexi. 

Oh.

“Hey, Rue. Mom’s ready for us.” Gia interrupted. Rue stood up, still wearing her hospital gown, and slide on her shoes. 

“Well I guess, this is it. You are all set.” Janet took off her gloves and walks towards Rue to give her a hug. “Please take care of yourself.”

“I’ll try.” Rue let’s Janet go. 

“You too, Lexi.” Whom Lexi nodded in response. 

They all walked out of the now empty room together. Leaving Nurse Janet on the nurses station, Lexi and the two Bennett girls are making their way down the hall. A few steps in Rue looked at Lexi and asked, “Why’d you stop coming?”

“Uhm. My grandparents came to town.” Lexi answered. Which wasn’t completely the truth, it was because Lexi felt like Rue wouldn’t want her there, so she asked for Leslie and Gia to not say anything. 

They reach the south lobby where Leslie is waiting outside of the car. 

“Do you need a ride, honey?” Leslie offered. 

“Uhm. I’m okay. Thank you, Mrs. Bennett.” Lexi declined. 

“Are you sure?” Rue reassured. 

“Yea, I brought my bike” Lexi stepping back and gestured to her bike parked on the rack.

“Oh. Okay.” Rue doesn’t know what to do next, but she goes for a hug which seems to surprise Lexi. That led them to have this sudden awkwardness of leaning into the hug which they don’t know why. “Bye. Uhh let me know when you get home.” They both let go. Lexi smiled at Rue’s sentiment.

As Rue watches her friend walk to her bike, she steps into the parked car behind her. 

Rue remembered how well Lexi handled her last night. How she stayed even though Rue told her to leave and didn’t pray for the details. How she probably uncomfortable sat still and comforted Rue. And upon discovering that Lexi visited her this summer. She couldn’t help but to feel a little bit of sadness knowing that she stopped coming when she woke up. Then realizes it probably was because her grandparents was in town, but it could also be because Lexi thinks that she wasn’t welcome to, due to how much distance they’ve grown apart. Rue felt guilty, because no matter how much she tries to push Lexi away, to keep her far from all of her self-destructive tendencies. Lexi has always stayed. And that kiss they shared when they were 14, was the kiss that made her realize that she likes girls, and probably Lexi too, as something more than a friend. Which she completely disregarded at the time because Lexi didn’t seemed to be into it. Rue’s thoughts began to spiral, but at least she’s not thinking about her heartbreak at the moment. But these past few days Lexi has been standing out, despite always seeing her as her childhood best friend to get clean pee from. Rue is seeing Lexi now more than ever for what she’s always been, her most true friend that has been there for her since day one. 

“Hey mom, stop the car.” Leslie’s hard break bounce everyone in the car forward. Before Leslie could say anything, Rue has gotten out of the car and ran towards Lexi who's just getting on her bike. “Lexi.”

Lexi turned her head to see Rue running towards her. 

“Hey Rue! What are -” Before Lexi could finish her sentence she felt soft lips on her own. Lexi was caught off guard by Rue’s sudden action, though as soon as she was about to kiss back Rue had already pulled back. 

“Text me when you get home, Howard.” A shy smile appeared on Rue’s face as she begins to walk back to her mom’s car. Leaving Lexi who was still in awe of what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lexi finally let go of her feelings for Rue. Rue pulled her back in. 
> 
> I really wanted to leave the hospital LOL.


	5. Christmas Wrappings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rue has a revelation on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey pals! sorry for late update. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> I think the events that occurred in ep8 are nonlinear. I believe some happened before and after the dance.

Rue jolted awake, out of breath, needing for water. The sound of machines beeping and train horns fades as the muffled voice of Lexi slowly anchoring her back to consciousness, but when she fully regains her bearings Rue realizes that it was only her mom. Who is hovering over her with a glass of water on hand, with a worried look. 

“Rue, honey. I heard you talking in your sleep.” Leslie ushers the glass of water closer to Rue. “Here have some water.”

Rue found her surroundings unfamiliar at first, but when her mother finally sat down on her side, she revealed the layout of the room that was quite familiar. Rue had been sleeping in her parent’s room, sharing the bed with her mom. It’s not like Leslie forced Rue to sleep there, because she doesn’t trust Rue to be alone in her own room. It was Rue who asked if she can join her mom on her own accord. She wanted to feel warm and safe unlike the cold that emanated from her bedroom all of the sudden. 

“Also, I invited the Howard’s for Christmas Dinner this year, just like when you and Lexi were kids.” Leslie pushing herself off the bed and begins to head out the room. “Good morning and Happy Christmas Eve!” Leslie added as she leaves. 

Rue hadn’t seen Lexi since she planted a kiss on her lips the day, she left the hospital. Sure, a “Hey how r u?” text though was exchanged between them but nothing more. Rue hadn’t really processed why she gave Lexi a peck, but rather understood it as her way of giving a mere token of gratitude for all the times Lexi has been the most understanding and amazing friend to her. Like, she has been by her side through all of it. And that the kiss felt natural, It wasn’t tempting or feeling like a dip in cold water, like she did with Jules. Where she felt instant regret, it felt like a habit she was already used to but just discovered it. It felt warm and inviting. It feels like how Rue feels in the arms of Lexi from the night before. She was calm and comforted. Though, she really didn’t think about what it would mean for Lexi. 

The kiss from Rue made Lexi melt like ice cream on a summer's day. She couldn’t move for a good minute after Rue left with a smug smile on her face. Lexi felt a sudden burst of happiness in her heart, but it was quickly eclipsed by overthinking and confusion. Because the night before from what she’d gathered is that Rue and Jules had officially broken up. In addition, she had just finally starting to accept that Rue wouldn’t feel the same for her. But Rue just have to kiss her like that. Lexi doesn’t know what to do. She thinks that Rue probably kissed her out of politeness and gratitude for visiting her at the hospital every day, but who would kiss their friend on the lips as a thank you. Lexi feels lost. She needs time to process, that’s why she hasn't made an effort to see Rue. She needs to know whether her feelings are going away or the fact that she just wants them to go away because it’ll be easier for her to be around Rue, if they are. 

At noon, the Bennett women had gone out to the mall to do some last-minute Christmas shopping. Rue and Gia had separated from their mom because they are planning on doing some shopping for her, and Rue had thought of looking for something to get for Lexi because she they are coming for Christmas dinner tomorrow. It’s part of her, starting to be a better friend to Lexi.  
The Bennett sisters ended up at the jewelry section of JCPenney in the search for a perfect gift to their mom. The girls had been eyeing a necklace with a heart pendant. It seemed to be in their budget of $100 that they accumulated together. The necklace ended up being under budget. As the store clerk is ringing up their purchase. Rue’s attention was caught by a gold bracelet that is shimmering under the slightly smudge glass. She thought it would make a perfect gift for Lexi since it matches the necklace, she gave her once when they were young. It reminded her of how she had been a great friend to Lexi when they were young. They had an amazing friendship despite already suffering through her many issues. But she had to mess it all up and push Lexi away because she has started to grow dependant on drugs. 

“Hi, looking for a gift to give to someone special like a boyfriend, or anyone? We have other selections for you to look at over there.” A store clerk who appeared out of nowhere gestured to the other counter behind him. 

Rue’s lips tugged into a forced smile. “I don’t know, I kinda need something that scream ‘I know I’ve been such a shitty friend, and I’m sorry but you still took care of me when I was in a coma after od-ing, anyway. Then I kissed you out of the blue the day after the girl that I mostly spent my time with this past few months instead of you, moved to the city because apparently, I’m suffocating to be with. And yet there you are, still coming back after all this time, being the incredible heaven-sent human that she is. Which is making realize all these fucking feelings that I’ve never had before.’ But yeah I’m looking for a gift to give someone special.” The jaw of the middle-aged man dropped as Rue’s word vomit may had caused his brain to short circuit. Rue didn’t mean to come off and gave the man all this information, but she suddenly got the urge to vent to someone the thoughts that’s been running through her head lately, that isn’t Gia or Lexi (for obvious reasons). Though before the clerk could say something back to her, Rue had heard a faint voice calling her name behind him on the far opposite side of the counter. She leaned to side to see who it was, and when she did Rue prayed that they didn’t hear a single word that came out of her mouth, because even she doesn’t know what that all meant. 

“Cassie, hey!” Rue puts on a wide smile that made her eyes squint. 

“I’m here too. The fuck.” Another girl leaned into Cassie revealing herself from being covered by the clerk. 

“Maddy.” Rue greeted. The store clerk Rue had kind of vented to finally left as Gia reached Rue’s side with their mom’s present wrapped and is inside a small paper bag. The two girls across are now leaning their arms on the glass countertops getting comfortable. 

“Who’s the gift for?” Maddy eyeing the bag Gia is holding. “Someone special? Like Jules.” Maddy teased, raising her eyebrows not knowing about Jules leaving East Highland.

“Maddy?!” Cassie sung and her eyebrows raised. Elbowing her to stop asking questions. 

Rue notices and couldn’t help but feel a little bit of sting hearing Jules’ name. Though she only gave herself a few seconds to reel in the pain. She replied, “It’s for our mom.” Rue offered them an awkward smile. 

“Aw, that’s sweet. Rue-rue. We are also doing some christmas shopping.” Cassie softly said, as if she knew all the things that Rue is going through. Which is true because other than Rue, Cassie is only the other person Lexi tells everything to. After witnessing her sister break down in front of her a few nights ago. They got to talking and Lexi finally had told her sister what she truly felt, and Cassie was very accepting and said she had her suspicions, but it was Lexi’s decisions to come into terms of her own feelings. Cassie even told Lexi that she should tell Rue how she feels before it’s all too late again. 

“Honestly, how long does it take for your sister to find us? Like, we are going to miss our nails appointment.” Maddy setting her phone down after checking the time. 

“She said she’s on her way.” Cassie reminded Maddy.

“Lexi’s here?” Rue said growing nervous that it made her fixed her posture and stood up straight as she starts to push strands of her hair behind her ears. 

“Bitch, Finally.” Maddy lets out a sigh eyeing someone behind Rue walking towards them. Rue turned her head to the direction Maddy was looking from and she sees Lexi. The first time since the day she got out of the hospital and the kiss. Lexi was sporting a plaid skirt and a cute sweater that perfectly screams her style. She was carrying a few shopping bags.

Rue caught herself checking Lexi out. Lexi looks good. Like she’s glowing. 

“Hi Rue!” Lexi beamed. 

“Hey—hi uh hi Lex.” Rue stuttered. 

“Lexi! I heard you’ll be joining us for Christmas Dinner.” Gia pointed out.

“I tried telling your mom we appreciate the offer, but we didn’t want to impose—” Not that Lexi and the Howard women didn’t want to come, it’s that they didn’t want to take time away from Rue and her family after all that had happened. 

“Come on Howard, it’s just like when we were kids.” Rue lightly tapped Lexi’s shoulder. Shoving her back.

“Funny, because your mom said the exact same thing.” Lexi returned the favor and tapped Rue’s shoulder letting out a shy smile. “After she insisted. I couldn’t say no, and Cassie and mom are on board too.” Lexi looks up at Rue. Giving her a soft look. 

“You guys are spending the holidays together? that’s cute.” Maddy dryly said but the last two words sounded like she’s thinking of saying something else but stopped. She and Cassie who had now made their way next to Rue. 

The girls ended up walking together to the mall’s nail salon. Rue and Lexi walked silently together with Gia as they are far behind the other two girls. There were moments where Rue would turn to Lexi and try opening her mouth, but nothing would come out, same with Lexi so they just decided to not talk. They finally reached the entrance of the nail salon. Cassie and Maddy are already inside and getting situated. As for Lexi, Rue, and Gia are standing awkwardly by the entrance. They all exchange awkward glances paired with uncomfortable smiles. 

“Okay. What is going on between you two?” Gia finally breaks the ice.

“Nothing.” Both Rue and Lexi replied. 

Gia doesn’t believe them. She doesn’t like the awkward silence that’s been marinating for a good minute now. So, she got out of there. “You know what, I think I see mom over there.” She gestured into the open sea of people and walked away.

“Gia, wai—” Rue lifted her hand up to ask Gia to wait for her, but she immediately gave up. She glanced at Lexi and gave her a soft chuckle. Which all could Lexi do is give her a lopsided smile and a sparkle in her eye. That piqued something in Rue and made her heart beat a little faster.

“Uhm…sorry if I haven’t—“

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Lexi is confused. 

“Apologize…Don’t apologize. Especially to me.” Lexi furrowed her eyebrows at Rue’s sentiment. “I—I should be the one apologzing. I’m sorry about the kiss. I shouldn’t have.” Rue shifts her stance. 

“It’s fine Rue. It’s just like freshman formal. Probably didn’t mean anything.” Lexi cuts in. Saying those words burned Lexi. Because who was she kidding, Rue had just broken up with Jules, she isn’t ready to jump into anything yet. Plus, Lexi is trying to forget about her feelings.

Rue has a puzzled look on her face. “It did. Mean. Something.”

Lexi was taken aback and she drops her shoulders with a disbelieving look. 

“I’ve been a horrible friend, Lex. I know I’ve said it before, no actually, I texted it before. See how horrible that was. What kind of person apologizes via text, when I was literally outside your door.” That last part made Lexi squint. “I don’t know how I could ever make it up to you. And I don’t know how I could ever say sorry for all the bullshit I put you through. So I guess it all boiled down to that kiss. Sorry, I know it made you feel weird the last time.”

Oh it’s just a polite kiss. 

“It didn’t feel weird.” Lexi muffled quietly. Though Rue didn’t hear her as she continues to ramble on. 

“Like you are my best friend. My oldest friend. The Howard to my Bennett. I swear. From now on, things are going to be different. Partner’s Promise.” Rue rested both her hands on Lexi’s shoulder. GIving her a stern look. 

“Rue.” Lexi feeling the weight of of Rue on her shoulders. She is liking this closeness with Rue. “You don’t have to do anything.” She said shaking her head and giving her a smile at the end. All Rue could do is smile back still not letting go of Lexi’s shoulders. 

“Rue honey.” Leslie and Gia appeared walking towards Lexi and Rue who now dropped her hands from Lexi’s shoulder. “Hi, Lexi.” Leslie flashed Lexi a smile and hugged her. “I’m so happy that you and your family will be joining us for dinner tomorrow night.” Giving Lexi another large smile. 

“Of course. Thank you for inviting us. It will for sure be a big throwback moment.” Lexi gratefully said.

“For sure. But we are gonna get going. If we want to make it to NA meeting.” She said taking Rue’s shoulder and ushering her away from Lexi. “Families are talking today, so we’ll see ya tomorrow.” Rue gave Lexi one last look before walking away. 

Rue sat by herself far from the front rows of the pews of the church. Hearing her mom’s speech really made her emotional. It made her feel heavy. The way to the car was a quiet journey. Rue stopped in her tracks before her mom could make her way to the other side of the car. Rue turned and gave her mom a tight hug. Gia joined in. 

“I’m sorry and I’m trying mom.” Rue said in her mom’s ear. Tears falling down her face. 

“I know baby. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Rue huh. The signs are right there sis. You feeling them, but are you processing them.
> 
> Also, the I know that the title says Christmas Wrapping but the actual Christmas is happening next chapter. Sorry if that's confusing.
> 
> talk to me about the timeline of the show or lmk what you think of the chapter:))


	6. When You Are Near Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...don’t you know being so close to the edge, when you are near me.” 
> 
> It’s Christmas time at the Bennett Household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, I miss y’all so damn much. I am so sorry for not updating in a while. I had been busy with work. I’m chasing the bag so I can get a car. Second, Happy Thanksgiving! I’m grateful for all of you reading and those of you leaving kind words to me on the comment section. Third, I hope you enjoy this holiday treat.

The Bennett’s house was filled with delicious aromas from the food Leslie has been cooking since 10:00 am. The gifts are placed under the Christmas tree. Rue and Gia did a great job decorating the house in such a short time. The TV is playing Christmas Movie Marathon. Rue and Gia are setting the plates on the table. They are also sporting their best red ensemble. Although, Rue’s definition of her best red ensemble is one of her dad’s old crewneck knit sweater and black ripped skinny jeans. 

The doorbell rang. 

Leslie asked if one of the girls could open the door, which Gia ended up doing because Rue had to make a trip to her bedroom to grab Lexi’s gift. When Gia opened the door, it revealed all the Howard women who were also dressed in their best red ensemble. They are all wearing some sort of dresses in different shades of red, layered with some type of cardigan sported by the two younger girls or a shawl draped on the shoulders of one Suze Howard underneath their lightweight coats. They also didn’t come empty handed; Cassie and her mom are carrying dishes to add to the menu that the Leslie had prepared. Lexi on the other hand is carrying gifts. Gia gestured for them to come in with a warm-welcoming smile. She also offered to take the dish from Suze to carry back to the dining table. So that she could take her coat off. Cassie followed Gia to the table because she was carrying the other dish and didn’t wear a coat. Lexi was left by herself on the foyer. She kind of shifts her stance awkwardly. It’s been a long time since she’s been inside Rue’s house. 

Rue rushed out of her room pretty quickly. Although the view of Lexi from afar wearing a silky red dress and a dark green cardigan stopped Rue on her tracks. Rue could feel the beating of her heart spike. There something about Lexi being in that dress and her awkwardly looking around, trying to refamiliarize herself with the surrounding she’s in, that made Rue feel all warm inside. Rue let out a breath to steady her breathing and heads towards her friend who is still standing awkwardly at the foyer.

“Why are you just standing there you goof?” Goof? What the fuck was that. Rue said walking past Lexi trying to hide a small brown box behind her back and placing it under the tree. 

“Hey, Rue.” Rue’s question made Lexi stood on her tip-toes and slowly leaned forward to greet her friend, who walked past her. 

Did I just walked past her. Rue thought realizing that she didn’t even greet her friend. So, she immediately turned to head back to where her friend was only to find her inches away from her all of a sudden. Rue who was caught off guard by how close Lexi was to her. It reminded her of the day at the hospital where she kissed her. Rue could feel her cheeks burning and panic overcame so, she ended up suddenly draping her arms around the girl in front of her and pull her into a warm embrace and rested her chin on top of Lexi’s head. “Merry Christmas, Howard.” 

Lexi could feel each syllable Rue was saying on top of her head as she let herself feel at home in Rue’s arms. The way Rue has been touchy with her lately has brought many memories back for Lexi. Rue has always been touchy. She breathes and craves physical touch. Although she doesn’t go around and hug every person she meets. You must be special if Rue gets clingy with you. Which is why it's broken Lexi’s heart when Rue started to put some distance between them and then eventually, they stopped hanging out. She thought doesn’t fit in Rue’s life anymore. But with everything that has happened lately, and the way how Rue has been acting towards her. Lexi could feel the way that things are going back to normal. Well at least some are, because it seems like no matter how much she had been telling herself that her feelings for are gone, it’s not. The way Rue has been acting is actually making it even worse. 

“Merry Christmas, Rue.” Lexi squeezed out, still wrapped in her best friend’s arms. Letting herself live in the moment and cherish this moment with her friend. 

Dinner was filled laughter and reminiscing. Where times were simpler. The matriarchs of both families started with the same memory of how Rue and Lexi would dress up as detectives when they were kids. And how each year, the two would go into this special mystery case of trying to catch Santa Claus. The memory couldn’t stop the two girls mentioned from sharing both a mix of embarrassed and proud look on their faces. Sure, there were a few awkward pauses when it gets to the touchy parts about the past. Like times when someone would bring up something and Rue doesn’t remember any of it because at the time, she was high as a kite. Also, the mention of the men in their lives, from Rue’s dad to Lexi’s, their names had brought up silent breaks in the conversation. So, they were quick to change the topic to desserts to stop the rest of the night from spiraling and hauntings by ghosts of Christmas past. Then everyone transitioned into the living room, because according to Gia it’s time to open gifts. The Bennett’s held off opening their gifts this morning to after dinner, and so Gia grew anxious and impatient because she had been asking her mom for a new phone this past year. 

At the living room. Suze and Leslie share one couch, Cassie, Lexi, and Rue sat on the other, with Lexi in the middle sitting oddly close to Rue. While Gia sat criss crossed on the floor leaning her elbow on the coffee table. Cassie volunteered to go first into giving the Bennett’s their gifts. The Howard’s got the Bennett’s a new coffee maker because a couple of months ago, Lexi has mentioned to Cassie how Rue poured coffee into the water filter and it broke a week ago. Rue remembers barely mentioning it to Lexi, but she blushed at the fact of how thoughtful the gift was. Though Leslie recently just got one, so she said she can’t accept and them coming is enough of a gift. Though, Suze insisted and now the Bennett’s have two. Leslie and Gia got the Howards a spa kit that they could all enjoy together. Gia followed, she reached for the small-narrow rectangle box underneath the tree. 

“Mom…this is from Rue and I. We just wanted to say thank you for everything you have done for us this year. For our whole lives. Thank you for taking care of us.” Gia laughed lightly. 

Rue who is looking intently at her mom with sad eyes bit her bottom lip. Feeling guilty about everything. Lexi who was sitting right next to her, puts her hand on Rue’s thigh just above the knee and gave it a squeeze. Which caused her to break her stare at her mom and to the hand on her thigh, then back up at Lexi. Who’s looking back at her with the same expression she looked at her mom. 

“Uhm. We just want to give you a token of our appreciation and love. So…uh…here you go.” She smiled and handed the box to her mom. Leslie on the verge of tears, is holding back her emotions. This small gesture really goes a long way. And there isn’t anything she wouldn’t do for her two girls. Sure, it can be difficult sometimes. But these girls are her everything. So, when she ripped open the wrapper and took the cover off revealing a pendant necklace her daughters got her. The waterworks came. Suze gave her a small rub on her back before she stood up and gave Gia and Rue a hug. She then sat back down next to Suze.

“Wow.” Lexi said wiping tears from her eyes. “I don’t know how to follow that.” She lets out a small laugh to lighten the mood. “But uhm…I got something for Rue.” Lexi pulled out a paper bag out of nowhere like a magician, and handed the bag to Rue. 

Rue opened the bag, and suddenly let out a gasp followed by a chuckle as she pulled out a raggedy Mrs. Claus doll. “Oh my gosh. Wait.” Rue rushed to get the brown box under the tree. “You should open this.” She handed the box to Lexi. 

Lexi lifts the cover of the box for it to reveal, a raggedy Santa Claus doll that she thought Rue had thrown away all those years ago. Lexi was stunned. She got a sudden rush of happiness and her heart starts to pound.  
“This is too funny.” Rue snorted. “I can’t believe we thought of the same gift to give to each other.” Lexi is still speechless. “I thought you threw yours away after our first big fight.”

Okay, “big fight” is a little bit of an exaggeration. But here’s a little backstory on these dolls. When Rue and Lexi were in the third grade. It was part of the art class to decorate these little felt dolls tree ornament kit that they were given in school. Rue and Lexi had always been partners in class projects since preschool. The two had already started in creating these dolls. Until one day, the week before Christmas when Rue had arrived late to school due to a doctor’s appointment. Which visit’s to the doctor’s had grown quite frequent that year. Although, when Rue arrived walked in, just in time for art class, she had found that the teacher had already placed Lexi with another partner in class, Kennedy Holloway. She made Lexi laugh and even invited her for a playdate. Rue, as any 8 year old would when you see your best friend having fun with somebody else, felt jealous. The teacher placed Rue with a boy, Nathaniel, who didn’t spoke a word to her. Rue got sad how Lexi didn’t even say ‘hi’ to her for the rest of the class. That sad turned to anger, because when Lexi wanted to sit next to her at lunch, Rue completely ignored her for the rest recess. But then, after school. Lexi walked up to Rue, to ask her what’s wrong. Rue stayed quiet, so Lexi thought to make Rue feel better, she pulled out a felt Mrs. Claus doll she made at art class. It was Lexi’s Christmas present for Rue that year. Then that’s when Lexi finally saw Rue smile that day. Rue’s smile didn’t last and quickly turned into a frown when Kennedy stopped by them. Then on Christmas Eve, Howard went to the annual East Highland’s Garden of Lights, where a beautiful arrangement of lights are displayed for the town to enjoy. In which they bumped into Bennett’s. As the adults mingled, Rue and Lexi stayed silent, stealing looks and wishing the other would say something first. 

“Hey, are you still mad at me?” a young Lexi Howard asked a young Rue Bennett. 

“Depends, am I still your best friend?” Rue answered timidly, avoiding eye contact as she plays with her jacket. 

“Of course you are, Rue-Rue.” Then all could Rue do was give Lexi a big smile and goes in for a hug. 

“I’m sorry.” Young Rue pushed Lexi away and then go in for another hug. 

Back to present. 

Rue still laughing, “I don’t even remember what that fight was about, if it was even a fight. I just knew it wasn’t my fault”. She said giving Lexi a teasing look. Who dropped her jaw in shock. 

“Uhm excuse me, I didn’t do anything wrong.” Lexi tugs on Rue’s sleeves causing her to fall down on the seat next to her. 

Rue’s arm was being squished in-between her and Lexi so she swiftly raised it up and placed it on the back rest of the couch behind Lexi. “Don’t be so sure about that Howard.” Lexi was about to argue. “Because you were the one that didn’t apologize.”

“All this time?” Lexi sincerely raised an eyebrow. 

“All this time.” Rue’s arm is around Lexi’s shoulder now. 

Lexi, defeated and still couldn’t remember what it was.“Well, after all these years, I apologize.” She offered sincerely, looking directly into Rue’s brown eyes as it’s also looking back at hers. They stay like this for a few seconds. Forgetting the fact their respective families are in the same room as theirs. 

Gia and Cassie shared a knowing look.

“Pshhh, I was just teasing you Lex.” Rue breaks the staring contest and takes her arm off of the shoulder it was resting on. “You’re present actually doesn’t end there.” Rue quickly changed the subject, then averts her eyes to her mom who was staring confused and amusingly at her direction. 

“We were actually wondering if you ladies, would like to join us to the Garden of Lights tonight.” Everyone’s eyes lit up, at Leslie’s invitation. 

Both the Howard’s and the Bennett’s haven’t been to the Garden of Lights for the longest time. The last time Rue has been there was the Christmas before her father was diagnosed, as for Lexi it was the year before her father stopped living at their house. Going to the Garden of Lights tonight isn’t supposed to remind them of what their families’ have lost, but to remind them the ounce of normalcy that’s slowly making its return.

One of the simple facts of being part of a three-person sized household is that there isn’t really a need to own a minivan, a simple sedan will do the trick to get from point a to point b. So, the two families decided that they should meet there because the six of them won’t fit in one car. The Bennett’s got there first and the Howard’s pulled up a little after. It seemed like they weren’t the only one who had thought of coming after Christmas dinner because the parking lot seemed almost filled. 

It was a beautiful California Christmas evening, the weather was at the 60s and the sky was dark, it was almost 10 at night. The garden is almost set up like a maze, where each turn is a different display and arrays of light. The beautiful archway made of lights, welcomed everyone to the garden. Leslie and Suze took the lead in walking in, as Cassie and Gia were both walking beside their mothers. Lexi and Rue fell behind, walking in silence, taking in the lights around them. Lexi and Rue walked like this in a while. Silent. They even barely looked at each other. They both had the car ride to slightly processed all the things that happened moments before they left the Bennett Household. 

Rue was over analyzing if Lexi liked the present, she gave her. She is also wondering if, she got a little bit touchy at the end there. It was only her arm around Lexi’s shoulder in front of everyone, including both of their parents. Which is weird, because she used to do a lot more than just putting her arm around Lexi in front of them before. Rue peered at Lexi, who was strolling right next to her. The bright golden light reflecting on her hair, and a smile of wonder painted across her face. Rue can’t help but smile to herself just how beautiful Lexi looks under the glow of the lights. She continues to stare at Lexi as they are making their way down the path. Although, panic overcomes her as Lexi turned her head towards her and she quickly looks away. 

Now it's Lexi’s turn to look at Rue. Purple had always looked good on Rue. Especially right now, the way the Violet lights makes glows on her curls. Along with how it glimmers on her eyes. It’s beautiful. She thought to herself. 

“What’s beautiful?” Rue asked. Taking Lexi out of her thoughts.

Did I say that out loud. “Hmmm?” Lexi trying to play it cool.

“You said, ‘It’s beautiful’, What is?” Rue flashed Lexi a coy smile. 

“Uhh…uh…The lights! Yea…the lights. I think they are beautiful.” Lexi said looking around and pointing. She turned away from Rue hiding her cheeks from getting red due to embarrassment and silently wishing that she bought it. 

“Oh.” Rue huffs disappointingly, not to sound self-involved or anything, she thought Lexi was talking about her. “Yeah. They are, aren’t they?” She laughs sheepishly. Totally hiding the fact that she felt Lexi eyes were on her for some time there. 

Lexi snaps her head back towards Rue and offers her an awkward laugh. “Hey, where did everyone go?” She said, changing the subject, finally noticing that it was just her and Rue, and that the rest of their family had disappeared in front of them. 

Rue’s eyes have been on Lexi all this time that she didn’t even notice where they lost them. “They’re probably in front of us.” She reassured. 

“You’re probably right.” Lexi said, stepping aside of the path. Rue followed. “I’m just gonna send Cassie a quick text so that they won’t worry.” 

They both continued walking but this time it’s just them and there was no other people insight. Silence filled the air again. Although, it was short lived. When Lexi broke the silence. 

“Thank you.” Lexi said shyly. Rue gave her a confused look. “For the gift, and for this.” She motions around her. “I haven’t been here for the longest time.”

“Lexi, you know I told you, I would make it up to you.” Rue stopped in her tracks. Lexi stopped too and faced her. “And this is just the beginning.” A sincere look plastered on her face. “Plus, I know how much you love it, here.”

They hear a pair of voices coming towards them. It’s an older couple walking by. The four of them exchanged smiles and holiday greetings. Before the couple walks away, one of them turned and said, “By the way, you two are standing under the mistletoe.” She smiled at them. 

Both Rue and Lexi looked up, and they are indeed standing under a mistletoe made of lights. Then they looked at each other. 

“Thought that I should let you two lovebirds know.” She said and walked away. 

“Oh. We’re not-“Both Rue and Lexi said in unison. But the couple was already far enough to not hear them so they didn’t finish. They both share a laugh and it faded to them facing each other awkwardly under the said mistletoe. Rue tries to look anywhere but Lexi’s eyes. Although, as much as how she tried to fight it, that’s where it ended up landing in the end. 

A staring contest ensued between the two. Both are glowing under the golden light that is displayed around them. Something is pulling them closer to each other because somehow Lexi feels that she is closer to Rue now as she was a second ago. The lights around them changed to blue. Rue can’t deny the gravitational pull she feels right now, standing so close to Lexi. She doesn’t know if it’s because they are standing under a leaf that people usually kiss under during Christmastime. Or is it because ever since she kissed Lexi after leaving the hospital, she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her. 

Rue is only a few inches away from Lexi’s face. She’s looking down on Lexi’s brown eyes, who’s looking straight up at hers. They slowly grow closer to each other as the lights keeps changing around them. 

“Rue?” Lexi whispers. Though, Rue didn’t seem to hear her. They are both closing in the distance between their faces and they both closed their eyes bracing for impact. 

A phone rings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ope, Rue-rue and Lexi alone, under the mistletoe. Hmmmm. 
> 
> That dang phone call.
> 
> Rue and Lexi should take sometime and talk to each other about what’s going on between them.


	7. I Dare You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the New Year. Time for New Beginnings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year Friends! I apologize for taking forever with this update. Life got so busy. I also had a few moments of writers block for this fic, so I spent sometime away from it. It wasn't in a way that I didn't know where to take this story, but rather on how to execute it. I think I've figured it out though. So during my time away, I had developed my unfinished and rushed social media au from twitter to an ao3 fic. Hopefully you'll give that one a try. It's a bit different. I think I'm just enjoying writing for this ship so much that I can't stop coming up with ideas. Anyways enjoy this chapter.

The blaring music coming out of the speakers bombarded Rue’s ears as she entered through the darkened doorway. Her heart pounding, the strobing lights is making her feel more anxious every time the colors changes. She’s making her way through the cramped hallway lined with people holding red cups. The smell of alcohol tempts her, she’s trying hard to not look at the crushed-up pill lying unattended on the coffee table. Although, the gravitational pull that drugs has on her is much stronger than trying to glue her feet to the ground and making an effort to not move a muscle because the next thing she knows is that she is seated on the couch, with smoke coming from out of her mouth. Then there’s that moment of nothingness she’s missed since the summer.

“Rue?” a soft voice, that Rue missed and know all too well, pulled her out of her hazy trance. “There you are. Are you sure you’re okay being here and around…all this stuff?” Rue turned around revealing her favorite bubble-gum/blonde East Highland Highschool student, well, former East Highland Highschool student, actually Rue doesn’t really know. Jules motioned around her, looking at the people drinking, processing the fact that she really shouldn’t have let Rue tagged along to this New Year’s Eve party. 

“Hey!” Rue let out a sigh of relief that faded into a shy smile. That was all just in her head. “Uhm, did you find Anna?” a phrase she didn’t imagine saying, but here we are. 

“I did, she said she’ll meet us downstairs.” Jules started to head for the door that Rue walked in a few moments ago. Both of them started heading down a flight of stairs that was conveniently outside the apartment where the party was being held at. “Have you ever been in the city during the new year’s eve?” Jules asked. 

“No, I haven’t even been to the city this late.” Rue, a little out of breath going down a flight of stairs. She took a mental note, that maybe one of her new year’s resolutions is to work out more, amongst other things.

Jules pushed open the exit of the apartment building to the streets. “Well, it gets fucking crazy, but its the good kind of crazy, you know.” 

“A MINUTE TIL MIDNIGHT!” Someone yelled, running past them. 

“See.” Jules laughed at the passerby. Rue missed hearing Jules laugh. She hasn’t heard this type of care-free Jules ever since Halloween. Rue thinks that maybe, running off to the city is doing Jules some good. Rue smiles to herself. “What are you smiling about?” Jules walked closer near her. Rue shrugged. “No fair… I really miss you Rue.” Jules going for a hug. 

“I miss you too.” Rue hugged her back. It feels like old times, but not quite. Something’s different, something’s changed. 

“You guys it’s 30 seconds til midnight.” A voice appeared behind them. It’s Anna. Both Rue and Jules broke away from the hug, as Jules headed towards Anna and Rue stayed still. 

Rue won’t deny that seeing Jules walked away from her arms into Anna’s hurted a little bit, but she guessed it’s part of the process of still wanting Jules in her life. There wasn’t any plan of cutting her off, just because she didn’t choose her. It was very adult of her. Rue also wasn’t expecting to spend New Year’s Eve with Jules. But when she bumped into her at the Light Garden on the night of Christmas, they got to chat for a little bit and that’s how she ended up where she is standing now. 

“Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. ONE.”

Fireworks goes off in a distance. The sound of noise makers goes off. Couple’s share a kiss on the streets. Rue turned to greet Jules and Anna a “Happy New Year”, but they are in the midst of a New Year's kiss. Rue smiled sadly, half wishing it was her in Anna’s place, and the other half happy for Jules. Although, her feeling of longing was cut short by the feeling of a soft vibration coming from her pocket. 

“HAPPY NEW YEAR RUE-RUE!!!” A loud but subtle deep voice comes from the small speakers of Rue’s phone that she has to hold it a few inches away. At the same time bringing a big smile on her face. 

“Wow, someone had too many champagne tonight.” Rue laughs. 

“Whaaat?? I only had two glasses.” The voice on the other line, clearly tipsy.

“Sure, you keep telling yourself that, Howard.” Rue teased. 

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t come with you tonight.” Lexi sigh. 

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it.” Rue shrugged. 

“Who are you talking to auntie Lexi?” A soft and innocent voice of child Rue heard over the phone. “Is it your boyfriend?” Another child’s voice popped up with a teasing tone. “Or is it a girlfriend? Mom said that there are some girls that likes boys and some that likes girls and some that like both.” Another child added, that left Lexi speechless and turned her face a bright shade of strawberry red. 

“Stop bothering your Aunt Lexi, kids.” An adult voice from a distance yelled. 

Rue chuckled silently at the exchange. 

“Oh, sorry about that.”

“I see that they still put you at the kids table, huh.” Rue felt a tap on her shoulder and it’s Jules motioning that it’s time to go. 

“Oh, stop it. I can totally handle myself at the big kids table.” Lexi scoffed. 

“Well, Howard, I’ll see you when you come back.”

“Ok, I’ll see you. Are you doing okay, I know going to a party after-“ Lexi cautiously asked. 

“I’m doing okay, surprisingly. Jules has been good at checking up on me tonight.” Rue assured.

Lexi hearing Jules name stung. It sucks that she isn’t in the city welcoming the new year with her best friend, and that she hasn’t experienced what a New Year's kiss would feel like. Not that she was expecting to be kissing Rue during the new year’s, but the kiss they shared before Christmas, at the hospital had Lexi itching for another chance to kiss her best friend. Then the kiss they almost shared underneath the mistletoe is making Lexi crazy out of her mind. She doesn’t know what it meant, the implications of it all, what it meant for Rue and between them two, and she bets that Rue doesn’t either know what to feel either. 

Back on Christmas Day…

The ringing of the phone seems to grow louder as both Lexi and Rue ignore the sound until they couldn’t hear it at all. They stay still, only an inch away from each other. 

“Rue?” as Lexi looks at Rue’s eyes who was staring intently back at her, then to her lips. “Rue?” Rue’s still silent, doing the same thing as what’s Lexi doing, looking at both her eyes and lips. “What are you-“ 

“Shh” Rue softly whispered. 

Lexi didn’t get to finish her sentence because Rue is much closer now, almost breaking her neck just to lean down. Lexi closed her eyes bracing for impact, they linger around each other for a little bit, breathing the same air that flows intensely between their almost touching lips, they both go to close the small distance between them. Their lips hover, but the sound of footsteps broke them apart. 

“There you…guys are.” Cassie’s voice rising with suspicion as to how tense she found the two friends. 

“We were calling.” Gia added, also picking up on what Cassie saw. 

The rest of the night was spent in utter awkward silence. A few more stolen glances taken by both Rue and from each other as the night goes on. Although the Howard’s had to leave early because they have to pack for a trip to Cassie and Lexi’s grandparents’ annual New Year's celebration at their house. 

Although, before Lexi opens the car door, she caught a glimpse of Rue watching her. 

Ding.

Rue: Merry Christmas Howard. Thanks for the gift. 

Lexi gave Rue a soft, yet uncertain smile. She doesn’t know what to make of what happened a few moments ago. All she knows is, she really wanted to kiss Rue so badly, and so did Rue, as it seems. 

Five minutes after midnight, New Year’s Day

“I guess that’s good. Very nice of her to do so.” Lexi, still drunk, slowly said word after word. “Tell Jules, thank you. For looking out for ya, since I can’t be there.” She begins to ramble. 

“It’s okay Lexi, I can take care of myself.” Rue suddenly got a little bit serious. 

“I like Jules. I like her a lot actually. I think she’s really pretty and I love her hair. She’s sweet and based on what you said, she’s the most wonderful person on the planet. I can see why you like her so much. I wish I was more like her so you would like me too.”

A brief pause occurred on both ends of the line. Rue doesn’t know what to say. 

“…Hey Rue-Rue, why did you kiss me at the hospital and on christmas?”

Lexi may be drunk, but she does have a point. Although, Rue think it would be unfair of her to comment on those questions now, knowing Lexi won’t remember any of it the next morning. Or maybe, this is actually the perfect moment to answer them. “Lex, I think you had too much to drink.” Jules caught Rue’s attention once again, telling her that they should head back to the apartment. Rue nodded. 

“No, I can totally handle alcohol Rue-Rue.” Lexi argues. 

“I—think I’ll let you get some rest Howard. I’ll see you when you get back.” Rue began to walk and follow Jules and Anna down the street.

“Alright, Bennett. I’ll party of a little bit and head to bed, just for you.” 

Rue let out a small laugh. “Don’t party too hard now, I know little Jimmy and Nancy won’t be able to keep up. Happy New Year Howard!”

“Happy New Year Bennett.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Rue hung up and tried to process what she has discovered. 

Lexi on the other hand, downed one last glass of champagne as she set her phone down at the table. 

“So you and Rue did what now?” Cassie asked, as she had been sitting next to Lexi this whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess, Lexi is taking the driver seat in this trip. She isn't stopping for someone that was ready to give up her feelings for Rue a few weeks ago. 
> 
> Rue, hanging out with Jules and Anna? unexpected amirite. 
> 
> What will Rue do with what Lexi told her?
> 
> How many times will Lexi tell Rue her feelings? Will it be a time where the two of them are aware and not drunk or unconscious. 
> 
> Second Semester of Junior Year will start soon for our favorite East Highland Students.

**Author's Note:**

> What y'all think? Comment below:).


End file.
